Everyday Confidence: 5 Spoken Messages You Give Your Children (Even Without Realising)
LollyWilliams-Gibbs Williams-Gibbs 
Discover 5 everyday phrases that shape your child’s confidence and simple swaps that build self-belief, resilience, and emotional safety.
Let’s talk words. Not the ones you rehearse, or pin on Pinterest. I mean the everyday words, the ones that spill out in the car, at the kitchen sink, or when you’re five minutes late and can’t find anyone’s shoes.
Because those words? They matter.
As mums, we are constantly modelling. Not just with our actions, but with our language. And whether we mean to or not, the words we say out loud become the soundtrack of our children’s beliefs.
So today, we’re looking at the spoken messages we pass on, without even realising it, and how a few gentle tweaks can help build unshakable confidence in our kids (and ourselves).
The Words We Repeat Become Beliefs
Kids are sponges. They soak up what we say on loop, especially the stuff we don’t think twice about. That “Come on, hurry up!” or “I’m rubbish at this” slips out, and boom—it’s recorded in their internal playlist.
And while none of us are perfect (thank goodness), being aware of these patterns helps us make intentional shifts. Because we’re not aiming for perfection, we’re aiming for impact.
Let’s also remember: the words we speak to them often echo the ones we speak to ourselves. That inner critic? They can inherit that too. So every time we offer ourselves grace and self-compassion out loud, we’re not just healing us, we’re helping protect them.
Here Are 5 Common Messages We Send (And What They’re Really Teaching)
1. “Hurry up!”
What they might hear: I’m slow. I’m a problem. I’m not enough as I am.
Swap it for: “Let’s do this together” or “We’re going to move a bit faster now.”
Yes, we’re usually racing the clock. But what they often need isn’t speed, it’s connection. Slowing down our urgency helps them feel supported rather than shamed and over time, that builds trust, not anxiety.
Try adding a little empathy: “I know we’re rushing, and it’s not your fault, we’ll figure it out.” That one sentence can change everything.
2. “I’m so rubbish at this.”
What they might hear: Adults give up. Mistakes = failure. Confidence is only for those who ‘get it’ straight away.
Swap it for: “I’m still learning this, it’s tricky, but I’m getting there.”
This one’s a double win: narrating growth helps your child see that struggle is safe and normal. It also gently reminds you that you’re a work-in-progress and that’s a beautiful thing.
In fact, sharing the journey openly might spark beautiful conversations. Imagine them cheering you on instead of you always being their cheerleader.
3. “Be good.”
What they might hear: Love is linked to behaviour. I need to perform to be liked.
Swap it for: “Be kind” or “Be yourself and make good choices.”
It’s such a common phrase, and we say it with love, but it can land as conditional. Instead, try reminding them of their values: “Be brave, be kind, be true to you.”
When you frame their actions as choices that align with who they are (not whether they please you), you build self-leadership, not people-pleasing.
4. “Don’t cry / You’re okay.”
What they might hear: My feelings are inconvenient. I should hide them.
Swap it for: “I can see you’re upset, it’s okay to feel that way.”
Even well-meaning reassurance can shut emotions down. Emotional confidence starts with permission. Let their tears be safe. Let their feelings exist without needing to fix them instantly.
You don’t need the perfect words, your presence, your calm tone, and your acceptance of their feelings are more than enough.
5. “Because I said so.”
What they might hear: My voice doesn’t matter. I don’t get to understand.
Swap it for: “Let me explain why, then we can talk about it.”
We’ve all been there, frustrated, exhausted, done. But offering context teaches them to think critically and feel respected, even in boundaries.
You can still be the safe authority while building their ability to question, understand, and respond thoughtfully, not just react.
Bonus Tip: Narrate Your Inner Voice
Confidence doesn’t just come from what we say to our children, it comes from what they overhear us saying about ourselves.
Start narrating things like:
- “I made a mistake, and that’s okay, I’m learning.”
- “I’m proud of myself for trying.”
- “That was hard, but I’m really glad I did it.”
They pick up on that energy. And when they hear you being kind to yourself? You give them permission to do the same.
Tiny Shifts, Big Legacy
It’s not about being positive all the time. It’s about being aware. Intentional. Real.
Every time you model patience, speak with compassion (to yourself or your child), or choose a more empowering phrase, you’re showing your children what safe confidence looks like.
And here’s the secret: they’re not just learning how to treat themselves.
They’re learning how to treat others. Their future friends, partners, teammates, and if they choose, children of their own.
That’s legacy, lovely. Not perfection. Not pressure. Just presence.
Your Turn: Confidence Check-In
Here’s a little challenge for this week:
👉 Choose one of the swaps above and try it in a real-life moment. Notice how it lands for them and for you.
Then ask yourself:
- What message am I modelling right now?
- Is this how I’d want my child to speak to themselves one day?
And if you catch yourself slipping into old habits? Take a breath. Reframe. It’s never too late to model repair, too. “I didn’t mean that how it sounded, what I meant was…” That’s just as powerful.
Final Thought
You are already your child’s greatest teacher and you don’t need to add more to your plate to build their confidence. You just need to speak from intention instead of autopilot.
Because those everyday words? They’re shaping tomorrow’s self-talk.
With a few mindful swaps, you’re not only raising confident kids, you’re healing old stories for yourself too.
You’ve got this. One phrase at a time. 💛
And if no one’s told you this week: you’re doing an amazing job. Even on the days it feels like a hot mess. Especially then.
Categories: : Balance and Self-care
