The Motherhood Identity Shift: Reclaiming Yourself Beyond 'Just Mum'
LollyWilliams-Gibbs Williams-Gibbs 
Motherhood changes you, but it shouldn’t erase you. Learn how to reclaim yourself beyond ‘just mum’ and design a life that includes YOU. 💜
For so many of us, motherhood is a beautiful, life-changing experience—but let’s be real, it also has a sneaky way of swallowing us whole.
One minute, you’re a person with hobbies, passions, goals, and a full personality beyond your role in the family. The next, you’re “Mum.” And while that title is one of the greatest honours, it can also become all-consuming.
So today, I want to talk about something we don’t discuss enough: How do you hold onto yourself when motherhood changes everything?
Because, lovely, you are more than just a mum—and it’s time to reclaim yourself.
Losing Yourself in Motherhood: The Reality No One Talks About
When we become mums, we often unknowingly sacrifice parts of ourselves.
We put our dreams on hold.
We adjust our schedules to everyone else’s needs.
We prioritise the family’s wants over our own.
We get used to being the last person on the list.
And at first, it feels natural. It’s just what you do, right?
But then, one day, you wake up and realise you don’t even recognise the woman in the mirror anymore.
Somewhere along the way, the version of you that existed before motherhood got buried under nappies, school runs, and the constant mental load of keeping everyone else afloat.
And the worst part? You feel guilty for missing her.
Because, shouldn’t being a mum be enough?
Shouldn’t your children be your whole world?
Let me tell you right now—loving your children fiercely and wanting more for yourself are not mutually exclusive.
You can be a brilliant mum and still want more. In fact, you should.
Why It’s So Hard to Put Yourself First
We’ve been conditioned to believe that being a “good mum” means sacrificing ourselves.
- We praise the mums who “do it all” and never complain.
- We glorify exhaustion like it’s a badge of honour.
- We’re made to feel guilty for taking a break or prioritising anything beyond our families.
But here’s the truth no one tells you: Your children don’t need a burnt-out version of you.
They need a mum who is happy, fulfilled, and still connected to who she is at her core.
They need a role model who shows them that self-worth isn’t just something we tell our kids to have—but something we actively demonstrate.
So, let’s break the cycle. Let’s normalise mums having dreams, boundaries, and identities beyond parenthood.
Because your children deserve a mum who is living, not just existing.
How to Start Reclaiming Yourself (Without the Mum Guilt)
If you’re reading this and thinking, "Okay, but HOW do I even start?", don’t worry—I’ve got you.
This isn’t about adding more to your already overwhelming to-do list. It’s about making small shifts that bring YOU back to the surface.
1. Reconnect With What Makes You Feel Like YOU
What lights you up? What did you love before life got so busy?
1) Think back to your pre-mum self. What hobbies, activities, or interests made you feel alive?
2) What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but never made time for?
3) If you had a free afternoon just for YOU, how would you spend it?
Start small—even 10 minutes a day dedicated to something you love is a step toward reclaiming yourself.
2. Challenge the Belief That You Have to Do It All
Mum guilt is the absolute worst. It tells us that anything we do for ourselves is selfish.
But let’s reframe that—taking care of yourself isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.
1) Set realistic boundaries (it’s okay to say no!).
2) Start asking for help without guilt.
3) Remind yourself that your needs matter just as much as everyone else’s.
A well-rested, happy mum is far more present and engaged than a depleted one running on fumes.
3. Get Clear on What You Actually Want (Not Just What You Think You Should Want)
So many of us fall into routines based on what we think we’re supposed to do.
But what if you paused and asked yourself:
1) What does my ideal life actually look like?
2) If there were no limits (time, money, expectations), what would I be doing?
3) What small changes could I make today that would bring me closer to that?
The answer doesn’t have to be drastic. It could be something as simple as scheduling one hour a week just for YOU—reading, journaling, creating, moving your body, or working toward a dream you’ve put on hold.
Because when you start living intentionally, you stop feeling like life is just happening to you.
4. Surround Yourself With People Who Lift You Up
You are not meant to do this alone.
Find your tribe—the people who understand, who encourage you, and who remind you that you deserve more than just surviving each day.
- Join communities of like-minded mums (like my Being Mum, Being Me Facebook group! 😉).
- Follow people who inspire you and make you feel seen.
- Have honest conversations with friends about how you’re feeling.
Because the truth is, so many of us are feeling the same way—we just don’t always talk about it.
You Are More Than Just a Mum
If no one has told you this lately—you matter.
Not just as a mum. Not just as a carer, a partner, or someone keeping everyone else’s world spinning.
YOU, as a person, matter.
And it’s time to stop waiting for “one day” to start living a life that actually includes YOU.
So this is your reminder to:
💜 Do something today that’s just for you.
💜 Challenge the belief that you have to do it all.
💜 Give yourself permission to want more.
Because the best gift you can give your children? A mum who is fully, unapologetically herself.
Your Turn: Let’s Start a Conversation
🌟 Have you ever felt like you lost yourself in motherhood? What helped you start reclaiming YOU?
🌟 What’s one small thing you can do this week that’s just for you?
Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your thoughts. Let’s normalise this conversation, because you are not alone in this.
